When I am creating a quilt there are always emotions involved. Right now the emotion I am feeling as I begin a new quilt is fear. Yup fear and quilting, or any creativity at all has fear come to the table once in a while. Sure there is excitement, joy, anticipation too but this time it’s the fear I am really feeling. Ok, so what is this quilt fear all about? For me, it’s cutting into the heart of the fabric, fussy cutting as it’s called, that stirs up the nerves. What in the heck is fussy cutting? Well, it is when we intentionally cut out a certain image, or motif from fabric. So it is not not just cutting squares, strips etc, but moving those rulers to the very middle of your fabric and then cutting out only what you want. Maybe this doesn’t sound like a big deal to some, totally fine. For me it is. Why? Mostly for me it is inexperience, I have done some fussy cutting but not a ton, and every time I go to do it, I delay. I dance around the fabric, fussing with it until I finally gather the courage to make that first cut, deeping hoping my quilt math is alive and well and that the image will come out the way I am thinking it will. Even though I have not utilized this technique often, it has turned out beautifully every time. Have I made some errors? Damn rights I have, that’s what it looks like in quilting, errors and solutions. Then I move onto the next step.

At the same time there is some fear going on in my life too. I am someone that will hold onto my fears for a while before I am able to process them out of my body. Getting these fears out of my body always feels so much better than letting them live inside of me. Like with the fabric, I mull, avoid and then eventually face it. When I do get brave enough to show or share my fear, typically it's someone very close to me holding space while I share, that really helps to move the fear energy out of my body. I always feel so much better, like oh so very much better. So why do I always delay? Why do I allow these fears to live within me, zapping my joy and energy?

I feel it’s the ego getting involved. I feel it’s the ego getting involved—whispering that vulnerability is weakness when, in truth, it’s where true strength lies. I don’t want to appear weak, wrong, vulnerable or unintelligent. I am not all excited about showing the inner child in me who needs help, reassurance and support. I want to be seen as knowing what I am doing, strong, brave, and ready to take on any challenge. What past experience has taught me is that when I choose someone I really trust with my fears, my weakness, this is actually when I am actually at my strongest. It takes me being brave and trusting and when I do this I am uncomfortable and when I am uncomfortable, I am learning.

Trust for me is key here. We’ve all trusted those unworthy of it, a hard but valuable lesson. Each misstep teaches us how to better protect our vulnerable selves, and with that knowledge, we grow stronger in choosing whom to trust next.

Ok so how did this all work out in the end. I remembered how my husband had cheered me and supported me the last time I experienced fussy cutting fears and tuned into that feeling and then cut the beautiful fabric. I also shared the fear I was facing outside of my quilt studio. Once again this man I trust was supportive and understanding, boosting me up and applauding my decision.

In both quilting and life, facing fear with trust and bravery turns hesitation into progress, and every cut—whether into fabric or fear—brings us one step closer to something beautiful.